31 Posts in 31 Days

Normally, Fridays are Best of the Blogs day around here. But today, please allow me a moment to interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Today is June 1, which means that the Blogathon -- the 31-day blogging challenging I undertook during the month of May -- is officially over.

It's not easy to keep your blogging mojo going for 31 days, but I learned this: It's a lot easier to keep your mojo up when you blog on a regular basis. Before, I struggled to post once a week. Now, putting a blog post up more days than not is almost second nature.

I also learned the value of putting yourself out there. Because of the Blogathon, I connected with other people who are concerned about the welfare of boys. I virtually met and interviewed Crystal Smith, author of The Achilles Effect. My blog has been featured in The Boys Initiative newsletter, and I've been invited to contribute a blog post to their brand-new blog, Attention Must Be Paid. (Head over and check out their stuff -- and don't worry, I'll post a link as soon as my Boys Initiative post goes live.)

All of that might sounds like a lot of self-promotion, but it's really not. As a mom of boys, I'm truly concerned about the well-being of boys everywhere, yet there is only so much I can do on my own. When I connect with others who share my concerns, we generate a power and synergy that has the potential to create changes.

My goal is to add an on-the-ground, in-the-trenches voice to the discussions and debates about boys. Academic and research-based perspectives certainly have value, but I think it's absolutely crucial to understand what's happening in boys' lives on a day-to-day basis. It's important, I think, to listen to the boys themselves, and to the parents who are working to support their sons as they navigate a world that is often less-than-friendly to boys' needs and instincts. It's important to share our challenges, as well as our success stories, and to encourage one another as we work to raise hardworking, respectful and emotionally intelligent men.

So thank you for joining me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and opinions, and thanks for sharing my blog posts across the Internet. I look forward to continuing the conversation!

Q & A with the Author of The Achilles Effect

Have you finished The Achillles Effect yet? I have and I'll say this: I'll never look at media the same way again. I thought I was already pretty savvy to the subtle influences of media, but after reading the book, I'm even more acutely aware of the ways in which pop culture defines "male" and "female." I'm also aware that I'm not going to change the dominant culture, at least not all by myself. So it's up to me -- and you -- to counteract the messages our boys are getting from the media.

Read on to see what Achilles Effect author Crystal Smith has to say about raising boys and the influence of mass media:

BBB: What are some of the things that parents perhaps aren’t even really noticing, as far as media and its potential to influence our our boys? 

Smith: The idea that men have to be very stoic. Don’t show your fear. Don’t show when you’re sad. It’s okay to show anger. I think that’s something that really does affect boys, as they become men. They start to, as men, deny their emotions. They bottle it all up and then it comes out in other ways that are maybe not so healthy. 

BBB: Do you think that talking about gender stereotypes can make a positive difference in their children’s lives?

Smith:  I’m not an advocate of banning things or saying that pop culture is always wrong or that it’s a bad thing. You just have to be aware of the messages that are out there and talk to your kids. Get them discussing it. Ask them questions: What do you think of this portrayal? Why isn’t there a dad in that story? Get that process going and get them thinking about what pop culture is telling them.

BBB: An issue that has long bothered me about some of the shows that my boys watch is the way the male characters talk to each other. It’s frequently not very nice. There’s a lot of that trash talk going on. There are very few incidences in the media where you see boys or men having a respectful conversation with one another. 

Smith:  It really bothers me, the way that sort of language is associated with male characters. It does set the tone for the way male relationships “should be,” this whole idea of competitiveness and dominance.  

BBB:  You mentioned competiveness and the dominance. Some will say that is more wired into a male brain than a female brain. What are your thoughts and opinions on that, the nature versus nurture divide?  

Smith:  The things that I’ve been reading talk about how early in life the nurture starts towards these gender roles. From the time boys are born, they’re described in different terms. They’re treated differently. They’re handled more, experience more rough housing as kids. They’re wrestled with more. They’re cuddled less. So it’s really hard to decide, is it really nature or is it that they’ve been treated differently? I don’t have a definite answer, but the books that I’ve been reading, like Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine and PinkBrain, Blue Brain by Lise Eliot make it look like nature’s not quite the dominant force a lot of people think it is. 

What did you think of The Achilles Effect?

The Challenge of Raising Boys

Photo via U.S. National Archives

What concerns you the most about parenting boys? 

As you know, I tend to draw on my own experience here at Blogging 'Bout Boys. But your experiences might be different -- or they might be awfully familiar, which will make the rest of us feel a whole lot better!

Right now, I'd say my top 3 boy-raising concerns are:

1) Respect. I want my boys to learn to treat men and women, young and old, with respect, and I'd like that respect to show in their words and deeds. Overall, my boys are respectful and polite children, but we still have a ways to go, particularly when it comes to respecting each other! (Please tell me my boys aren't the only ones who like to trash talk one another!)

2) Strict limitations on physical activity and play in schools. My sons' school no longer allows the kids play touch football at recess. Or soccer. If it's too cold or nasty outside, the kids stay in for recess -- in the auditorium, where they are allowed to walk laps. My boys (and yours, I'd guess) need more activity than that. They need room and freedom to move. I understand school administrators' concerns regarding student safety, but I think their concerns are overblown. On a population-wide level, I think we do our boys far more harm by requiring them to remain still and safe most of the day.

3) A sex-and-alcohol-saturated culture. We live in Wisconsin, a state that perpetually bests others in binge drinking and heavy alcohol consumption. Here, it's not uncommon to see adults guzzling beer at a softball game, whether it's their game (yes, I've seen guys drinking beer in dugouts) or their kids' games (yes, I've seen adults drinking beer at 9 am on a Sunday at the Little League game). Add that to a culture that routinely objectifies women and thrusts sexual images at our kids at every opportunity, and you can see why I'm concerned. I want my boys to grow up free of addiction. I want them to be emotionally and physically healthy. Given our environment, though, that's an uphill battle.

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Huh. If I'd drawn up that list just a few years ago -- say, when I started this blog -- I can guarantee that it would have looked different. Earlier in my parenting career, "guns" or "weapons" definitely would have made the list. Today? I don't even bat an eye when my kids pick up a plastic weapon. 

 

Sex and alcohol wouldn't have made the list a few years ago either. But now, I have a teen. And a tween. And a 6-year-old who watches for hot girls. I guess my concerns are growing along with my boys!

 

 What about you? What are your Top 3 Boy-Raising Concerns?

Boys at a Glance

I missed Wordle Day!

When I signed on for Blogathon 2012, I was particularly looking forward to one theme day: Wordle Day. I was introduced to the concept of a Wordle about a year ago, at the School of the Arts in Rhinelander. The idea that a computer program could take text and turn it into a thematic work of art intrigued me, and I began playing with the program almost immediately. I love the way a Wordle can get to the heart of a text, and in some cases, I've even uploaded bits of journal entries, just to see what the main theme is.

I coudn't wait to see what a Blogging 'Bout Boys Wordle would look like. But in the busyness of life, I forgot! (Because, you know, painting my kitchen is just so much fun.)

So today, I take a break from my kitchen and my reguarly scheduled blogging to give you a Blogging 'Bout Boys Wordle. Kind of fun to see what we've been talking about, eh?

Want to make your own Wordle? Head over to wordle.net to try it out!

Remembering the Children

My boys, thank God, do not fully understand war. To them, war is battles and weapons, strategy and excitement. They do not know the smell of death or sounds of ordinance. They know war from a distance only -- on TV and safely tucked in the pages of books -- and for that, I am grateful.

Unfortunately, there are many children their age who understand war all too well. There are children who have never known anything but war, and there are children who said goodbye to parents but now grieve at flag-dressed graves.

Photo by U.S. Army via Flickr

This Memorial Day, I remember those children, and pray that they and their families can find some measure of peace.

Snapshot Sunday: Boys Remain

My boys aren't here this weekend; they're at their Dad's. But one thing about boys: They tend to leave evidence of their existence everywhere.

Helping Our Boys Thrive Admist Skewed Images of Gender and Sexuality

You know that scene in the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy spies the man behind the curtain? That's kind of how I feel after reading The Achilles Effect.

After reading the book, it's impossible to miss the gender-oriented messages that are everywhere. Case in point: I had a few minutes to waste before interviewing Achilles author Smith earlier this week. To pass the time, I clicked on Google news. In less than 2 minutes, I stumbled across a story about a new potato chip that's being marketed to males. The bag is black; the product is bold and spicy. And it's going to be launched at a party featuring MAXIM magazines Hot 100 Girls. What does that tell our sons about what men are expected to be?

But there's hope. Parents remain powerful influences in their sons' lives, and there's much we can do to counter the stereotypical message that our boys are receiving from the pop culture. Here a few suggestions from Chapter 7 of The Achilles Effect:

• Expose your sons to TV shows, movies and books that feature well-founded male and female characters. TV shows like PBS's Arthur are a great choice for preschool-aged boys.
• Watch and read with your boys, and ask questions. Try asking your son what he likes about a particular book or TV show. His answer may surprise you -- and it might give you the opening to share your thoughts, or to suggest other books, movies and TV shows that he may like as well.
• Talk about the stereotypes. My boys know that I hate the bumbling Dad stereotype that's present in so many TV shows. I may not be able to control what the TV executives put on TV, but I can be sure that my boys know it's not reality.
• Model good behavior. Make sure your sons see males partaking in housework and childcare, and women playing sports. Maintain a healthy attitude toward food and exercise, instead of obsessing over body shape and size.
• Watch your language. Comments such as "man up" are not helpful for little boys. Boys and girls (as well as men and women) should be allowed to cry and express emotion and vulnerability.
• Teach media literacy. Help your kids see behind the curtain. My kids have become pretty savvy at dissecting the hidden messages of TV commercials. (Have you seen the new Capri Sun commercials that seem to imply that if you love your son, you'll buy Super V? Interestingly, the commercial also seems to imply that moms need to withdraw from their older sons, lest they completely smother them.)
• Create balance. It's OK for your son to play with plastic weapons and trucks. But he might want to play with dolls or a toy kitchen set also. Offer your boys all kinds of toys, and involve children of both sexes in household tasks such as cleaning and yard work.

 Coming up next week: A Q & A with Achilles Effect author Crystal Smith!